Bures & District Cricket Club

Bures Cricket Tour 2002 - Ilkley, Yorkshire

The intrepid tourists of the Bures & District Cricket Club returned from Yorkshire after a weekend of fun, frolics and just a little cricket. A highly successful tour, arguably the best for some years was had by all and provisional arrangements have already been put in place to repeat the venue next year with an improved cricket and accommodation package. Hoorah!

Touring began in earnest for most of us with a meeting in the snug bar of The Duke of Wellington on Saturday lunchtime. Home-made lunches and a number of pints of ale were appreciated by the assembled company who witnessed a fine display by our national footballing side in thrashing the boys with horns on their hats 3-0. Suitably fortified, we proceeded to the grounds of Harewood House for the first game against St. Georges. Batting first on a wicket which had more in common with the River Wharfe than anything else, the mighty Bures batsmen struggled against an undistinguished bowling attack, finally closing on 124 for 8 of 38 overs. On a difficult surface, this was a better total than it at first seemed as the St. Georges openers struggled to hit the ball off the square. Indeed, one of the opposition's batsmen who had clearly set out his stall to bat for about a week, had to be removed having scored a massive 12 over 22 overs. His team mates decided on a course of subterfuge to remove him from the game, by sending out a bent umpire who proceeded to solicit a feeble and utterly ludicrous LBW appeal whereupon the finger was raised with such speed and efficiency one would have thought that he must once have umpired for Chappel. His "dismissal" brought scenes of jubilation from both teams who danced together on the outfield and rejoiced in the knowledge that we would all after all make the pub before closing time that evening. Needless to say Mr. Stodge was not 'appy which made us all laugh the more. With 27 required off 3 overs, Bures looked to have it won, but some refreshingly clean hitting from the St. Georges No. 10, with 17 off one over, changed the game which left them needing 2 to win off the final ball which they got! As we all said afterwards, they do not come closer than that and we drank deeply of the Black Sheep Bitter before heading back to Ilkley to our digs. Oh yes....and for some more beer!

Having booked into our respective digs, we had barely an hour of beering in front of us but with Sammy on the kitty we were treated to a serious 60 minutes of imbibing before being ejected from the pub and the thorny issue of food being raised. Majority opinion favoured the curry house and in we piled! Standing aloof from the proceedings were our loyal President and Derrick, who made their excuses and left for the opulence of their four-star manor house accommodation. Also, dear old Tammy, who has never tried any grub which has its origins further south than Crawley, sidled off to his bunk and was not seen again until the morning. The rest of us gorged on some quite decent hot stuff, with Potty finding the going particularly difficult once his Kingfisher had evaporated and Wiggy visibly melting into his Vindaloo. I think I should admit at this stage that Potty was himself the victim of a little internal subterfuge, in that his Korma was maliciously changed to a Madras in his temporary absence for ablution. His distress at the unaccustomed chilli was a joy to behold and heartens us conspirators to challenge him further next year.

Morning broke over Ilkley on Sunday to the news that there had been heavy overnight rain although owing to the level of anaesthetic which the party had consumed, none of us had been awake to witness it. A quick inspection of the Olicanians pitch did not encourage us, but with some swift work on the part of the groundstaff, ably assisted by Bures worthies, the game was on! There followed a fine performance on the part of the Bures bowlers who restricted Olicanians to 111 for 8 off 40 overs. After tea, Wiggy and Derrick added 70 for the first wicket in fine style, with easy victory achieved by 8 wickets. Well done to everybody!

As I said, this was a great tour and we have made some super contacts and there is no doubt that it is a lovely county in which to play cricket. It is now my pleasure to present the following awards for outstanding achievements............

1. Fart of the Tour - Ian Fisher (4.2 cubic metres, stench factor 7).

2. Six Hit of the Tour - James Lee (Against Ilkley, over wide midwicket, where else?

3. Batsman of the Tour - Wiggy (61 not out against Ilkley, classy stuff mate).

4. Bowler of the Tour - Mr. Slow (8-0-15-2) against Ilkley. Great bowling from a wheelchair and the first time in his carer to have been referred to as a "leg spinner".

5. Beer of the Tour - Black Sheep Best. Nothing else got close and such a nice change from pissy old GK.

6. New Experience of the Tour - Sammy, for his first ever curry and a successful following morning ablution.

7. Catch of the Tour - Big Pat McKenna, stunning caught and bowled at St. Georges.

8. Disappointment of the Tour - Big Pat McKenna, because they couldn't understand him up there either!

and finally,

9. Man of the Tour - Potty, for organising it all, putting up with the last minute withdrawals and additions and generally keeping us all on the rails. Well done and might I suggest a Vindaloo next year?

And now for some tour photographs from Big Pat McKenna.....................hello???.........................Patrick??.....................are you there??????????????????????


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